Complicating the Simple

STRESS

noun.
1. pressure or tension exerted on a material object.
2. a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.
verb.
1. give particular emphasis or importance to (a point, statement, or idea) made in speech or writing.
2. subject to pressure or tension.
Aka, me this week.
I have felt stress in the past, but I have not felt it like I did this week in a very long time. As a teen I would often get stomach aches from stress. I learned how to manage that stress… by moving out of my house (sorry mom)… and have not had somatic symptoms from stress since that time. Until now, that is. This week I had the heartburn from hell, I felt tired, and ill. I picked at my skin which is my little nasty habit when the stress is really bad. I ate junk food… A lot of junk food. I stayed up late because I couldn’t sleep and even when I did sleep my nightmares from the stress woke me up. This week was not my week.
There were many reasons I was stressed this week, but what caused the stress is irrelevant. The piece I would like to focus on is how I allowed the stress to takeover. Writing this blog about being stressed is stressful. Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. I somehow entered a nightmare loop. The one where you scream, but no sound comes out. As it has been mentioned in my previous posts, I am a big fan of self-care. It is important to take time for ourselves to just sit with everything.
I did not do that this week. It isn’t because I didn’t have the time to. I had plenty of free time to take deep breathes, to meditate, to literally do anything other than stress. Instead though, I perpetuated the stress. I drank too much coffee. I didn’t go for a walk or a run, even though we had some of the nicest weather to date since me being on the island. I Insta stalked models to ensure self-loathing. The only form of self-care I have participated in is this blog and right now it feels more like a chore than something helpful.
I guess my point is that we burnout as humans when we let certain emotions overtake us. We are creatures of balance and when I get out of balance, I forget that I can level the playing field. I think one of my biggest faults is that I have the tendency to let life guide me instead of me guiding my own life. I perpetuate my own stress. I was going to go into work this weekend to catch up on notes. I’ve been stressed out at work all week and I was going to go into the place that was stressing me out… on my day off, so that maybe next week when I am at work all week I won’t feel so stressed about work? That logic is ridiculous.
I don’t want to be the person that says ‘do as I say, not as I do.’ So, I am making a promise to myself and to my readers: I will not go into work because it is my day off. I  will be present and lead my life the way I want it to go. In fact, in this exact moment I am going to take 5 minutes to breathe. Feel free to participate with me.
That felt fantastic. How beautiful it is that I can change the way I feel just by simply breathing. We humans, aren’t as complicated as we sometimes believe. If you are feeling stressed right now, remember that you are more important than any stress that comes along. Say it with me: “I am more important than stress. I am more important. I am important. I am. I am. I am.”
PS I know I said this blog feels like a chore, but by the end it always makes me feel better about where I am in life. Which is really like doing the dishes, if you think about it.

Author:

I like short walks on the beach & feminism.

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