Wassssup (entering old school today- tongue out and all).
I think we are all aware that the world is, well, to put it gently, “off”. Now, I could spend the next hour writing about how I am feeling and all the scary ideas that are running through my head. Most typically, this is exactly what I would do. I would want you to know your aren’t alone in this and we are all going through it together. However, I don’t think that’s helpful right now. I think we are all feeling the unknown and we all have a better understanding of just how intense anxiety can feel. So, I thought it might be best to switch it up on the interwebz for a moment. You know, share something that isn’t all about a pandemic, or anxiety, or toilet paper.
I’ve been racking my brain over the last few hours trying to figure out exactly what that would be. What I could write about when my mind seems to be consumed with all of these things and more. What would help me to slow down and for a moment forget I’m alone in my apartment, unsure about the state of the world?
It’s so simple, I am surprised it took me a few hours to come up with it. Just hear me out, I know that sometimes it is annoying when you are feeling one way and people are like “just think of all that you have”. Sometimes it makes me want to puke in my mouth. Sometimes I want to be angry and scared and petty and vent and not think about all the good. Sometimes things just suck and I want to sit in that suckiness for a bit. We have every right to do so. There are other times though that thinking about all I have can alter my mood in ways I never thought it could. When a brain is on fire and is able to say I am thankful that I have water to put it out- that, my friends, is power. A power that is free of cost and fills up time and is totally doable in, let’s say, a quarantine situation.
Today I will be making a list of 25 things that I am so incredibly grateful for today.
- The sun is shining, baby. Gettin’ that Vitamin D under my skylights as I am writing this.
- I have a place to live.
- There is food in my fridge, freezer, and cabinets.
- My friends are amazing. They check-in on me. They call me. They send me texts. They remind me that I am loved. I may be physically alone in this apartment, but I am definitely not alone.
- I have hobbies. I write and I dance and I run and all of these things keep me grounded.
- I am working. People still need our care and I am going to help provide that care for as long as I am able to.
- Disney+. (Yes, they all get their own separate numbers because that’s how grateful I am for each one.)
- My family group chat right now is straight fire. We even got a water challenge going so we all stay hydrated.
- Memers are on the top of their game. They say laughter is the best medicine and damn, Instagram has been saving lives with its pure comedic medicine.
- I have a washer and dryer in my apartment. Thankful for this on a daily basis.
- I am healthy.
- I have running water.
- My awesome book collection is, well, awesome.
- Coloring books are a gift.
- Fat activists/diet school dropouts reminding me that it’s okay to eat. That I don’t need to prioritize weight loss in this moment or any other moment. And that sometimes food is comfort.
- Healthcare workers.
- Grocery store workers.
- Therapy. Talk about your feelings- get support.
- Soap. and subsequently-
- Candles aka therapy of the aroma variety.
- I’m alive. And while life can seem so fragile, it’s that fragility that reminds us just how important it is to live it.
If you’re still feeling overwhelmed right now, just check-in with your body. You are here and that is enough right now. Maybe you could make your own list. If 25 seems like too much, think of 1. Maybe you’ll start and not be able to stop. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll remember all you have right in front of you. Or maybe you’ll just want to sit it in the suckiness for a bit. That’s cool too.
If you are struggling with any of the things on this list, like lack of food or TP or essentials in any way please reach out to me. I may not be able to help out a lot, but I will do what I can.
Also, if you’re just looking for an ear, I am pretty good at listening, or so I’ve been told.